2016 was my year of personal development, growth, and understanding what self-love and self-compassion meant. Last year, I experienced some of my most trying and lowest points, but I also encountered some of the best life-changing experiences I’ve had thus far. It was a year of learning about who I am, what I want in life, and what I stand for.
This time last year, I was in a very toxic relationship. I didn’t view his behaviour as such during the time, but it was clear after the fact that I had been both mentally and emotionally abused. You would assume that with the high standards I hold myself and others to, and my honest approach in my relationships that I would not have stuck around for as long as I did. In hypothetical scenarios, I always knew exactly what I was going to do; after the first act of betrayal, I would have left and never thought twice. It is clearly easier said than done, as I am a prime example. In reality, you have so many factors that influence your decision to stay or go: your feelings towards this person, your history with them, how long you have been together, and what future plans you have made.
I realized I was trapped in this relationship because I kept seeing his potential. Hoping that someday, through a lot of self-growth and compassion, he would love me the way I wanted him to. Deep down, I knew that someday would never come, or at least not in my lifetime. It was a vicious cycle of him betraying me, me being heartbroken and ready to leave, and then him showing me his potential to change, that had me trapped for much longer than I should have allowed myself to be. When I finally reached my breaking point, I remember sitting down and telling myself “You need to see who he is, by his actions, not his words.” And it was at that moment I knew I had to leave. I did not hesitate nor have I looked back since.
As cheesy as it sounds, the day I finally closed the door on a 3.5-year relationship was the day everything started falling into place. I sat on a park bench and wrote for hours and just admired everything in my life. I had so much to be grateful for – my supportive family, my incredible friends, my motivation and determination to achieve all my educational and vocational goals, and best of all – my resiliency. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders that day, like that I was free from carrying around someone else’s burden. Things were brighter and more beautiful, and my head was out from under.
My journey to self-love did not come over night. It has been years in the making and began when I wrote my first blog post here in 2014. This past year has just really deepened the journey for me, because of the experiences I had gone through. For you to understand how I developed my definition of pure happiness and bliss, you needed to know that it came from a place of pain and betrayal. I needed to experience both sides, to fully grasp and appreciate the whole.
I can genuinely say that I am the happiest I have ever been. I have many external factors that have contributed to my happiness over the last year, but most importantly I have myself to thank. I made the conscious decision to be happy, to challenge myself mentally and emotionally every day, and to live an honest and authentic life – where I am my number one priority. I said, “This year I am going to be selfish.”; I am only engaging in things that truly make me happy, excite my passion, and bring value to my life. I am not wasting time pretending to enjoy things for the sake of others or hanging on to relationships that no longer satisfy me.
I know it sounds blunt and pretentious when reading this, but think about it…at the end of the day, the person you spend the most time with is yourself. If you are not tending to your heart, mind, body, and soul, it will affect all the other areas in your life. You can’t love someone truly or to the best of your ability until you love yourself. That’s how I see it, plain and simple. After you’ve fallen in love with your toughest critic, nobody else can scare you off. No matter what obstacles come your way, you know that at the end of the day, you’ll have yourself to fall back on.
I took a lot of time for myself this year to foster and promote all my self-growth and self-compassion. It was challenging at times, but what kept me motivated and disciplined is my “why?”. Your “why?” is what gets you excited about life. It’s your purpose and the reason why you wake up every day and do what you do. The only “why?” that kept repeating in my head was my love for people. I am passionate about people – their walks of life and how to help them live a more meaningful and authentic one. I hope that through sharing my journey, I can inspire others to see more, want more, and do more for themselves and others.